


Hold Me Without Hurting Me

by Arwriter



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Could be patonic or romantic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, He's an asshole though, Hurt/Comfort, Its more of a morally grey Deceit, Lil bit of violence but barely, Protective Logic | Logan Sanders, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25383382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwriter/pseuds/Arwriter
Summary: Logan is the first to notice Virgil's odd behavior whenever Deceit raises his voice, and when he finally discovers why, he doesn't intend to let it go on any longer.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 304





	Hold Me Without Hurting Me

**Author's Note:**

> I love Janus but I can't not use him for Virgil angst it's too much fun.

It was rare for Deceit to lose his temper. They’d learned more and more about the other side, before and after the mock court case, and while none of it was particularly  _ good,  _ it was nice to have the information at their disposal. 

He popped up now and again, voicing his opinion where he thought he could slither in to tell Thomas a lie, to turn them against each other again. It wasn’t easy, but they managed him. 

While usually Logan wouldn’t ignore Deceit’s presence, they were all in the mindscape this time, no way to influence any of Thomas’s decision making, and he was rather invested in the latest chapter of his book. 

It had been the three others, Virgil, Roman, and Patton, arguing over something mundane and senseless in the other room, just loud enough to bleed over into muffled nonsense. 

It was heated, but not enough to warrant Logan getting involved. Not yet, anyway. And definitely not when he heard the snake’s snide remark briefly silence the room, his sudden appearance only sparking another flame. 

And then it got worse. Much worse. 

Their arguments tended to go off the rails sometimes, especially after they’d all had a long week of endless days and late nights, and the dark side’s presence always succeeded in setting everyone on edge. 

But then someone must have said something wrong, crossed some kind of line that caused Deceit to snap, harsh words turning to furious yelling. 

And that was when Logan decided to effectively tune the rest of the debate out. He was overworked and stressed enough without getting involved in another one of these arguments, especially on a day where they had an unwelcome guest. Patton could get rid of Deceit and calm the others down, he was always best at that. 

He slipped a bookmark between the pages and closed his novel, adjusting his tie as he stood and turned towards the opposite hallway, content with the idea of locking himself away in the solitude of his room for a few hours. 

Virgil must be thrilled, at least. Deceit only seemed to lose his temper when he knew he was fighting a losing--

_ Virgil.  _

Oh, god. 

Logan turned on his heels and hurried back through the kitchen, leaving his book discarded on the table. He couldn’t run, much as he wanted to. He needed to stay calm and casual, and fix this as quickly as possible without drawing too much attention. 

God, what had he been  _ thinking?  _

He hadn’t. He hadn’t been thinking, too much running through his head at once, briefly setting aside what could possibly be the most important detail. 

He took a breath, forcing himself not to flinch as Deceit snarled an insult at an equally fuming Roman, the room loud and heavy with the tense air. 

He was momentarily taken back to the day of the trial, when it had dawned on Deceit at last that he wouldn’t win, when he’d lost his temper and acted in desperate, unchecked rage. 

Virgil had been relieved, yes, but Logan was almost positive he’d been the only other person to notice how the other side reacted to the rest of Deceit’s rant. 

It had been...odd, to put it simply. Logically, he should have been just starting to relax. Deceit was being driven away, Thomas had made the “morally correct” decision thanks to Roman. 

But he’d only gone more rigid as Deceit continued, eyes wide and almost glassy, and Logan had caught the almost invisible tremble of his hands when he’d clutched at his hoodie sleeves. 

Logan had never been the best at emotions, but he wasn’t oblivious to them either. It was fear. Not the regular jumpy uneasiness Virgil got sometimes, or even the bursts of panic the others had learned to help him through. This was different. 

Virgil had been deeply, deeply afraid. Afraid of Deceit. Afraid of his anger. 

And he’d wanted so badly to ask the anxious side about it. Curiosity was nagging at him, questions on the tip of his tongue for days and days after. But with their demanding schedule, Logan could never seem to find a time the two of them were alone. And he knew better than to bring something like that up in front of the others. 

But not having the answers didn’t mean he hadn’t seen the effects, and this wasn’t one of his experiments. It wasn’t something he was going to leave alone and observe from afar. People tended to ignore their surroundings when amidst emotions such as anger, and Logan doubted anyone else would think to look for Virgil’s distress. 

Deceit glanced up as Logan entered, face still flushed as some of his scaled features smoothed into his usual smirk. 

“Oh, good,” he drawled. “ _ Logan’s  _ here. Will you please tell the others that Thomas needs to--” 

“You need to leave.” 

It was cold and collected, the sudden calm against the storm enough to shock the room into silence. 

Deceit was standing by the doorway, Patton and Roman by beside the television, Virgil seated on the couch. Logan tried to ignore how Virgil hadn’t been making a sound when he’d walked inside, and instead planted himself in front of the cushions, a vain attempt at blocking Virgil from view. 

“Excuse--” 

“I said you need to leave,” Logan repeated.  _ “Now.  _ I do not care what the issue is, or what you want Thomas to do. This is not continuing.” 

That wasn’t anger in his tone. He didn’t... _ do _ emotion. Something as trivial as anger wouldn’t bleed into his words so easily. 

Though he couldn’t deny there was some satisfaction that came with the stunned look in Deceit’s eye. 

“Logan?” Patton asked, and if there was any anger or frustration there before, it was long gone by now. “Is everything ok?” 

He wasn’t sure how to answer that, glancing at the three pairs of eyes on him, Patton and Roman’s quickly morphing to concerned confusion, Deceit still settled on annoyed defiance. 

And then, without thinking, Logan glanced back to Virgil and confirmed his suspicions. 

It was worse than before. Virgil almost seemed like he was having trouble following what was happening, gaze moving rapidly between Logan and Deceit, eyes wide and glossy. He was visibly shaking this time, breaths too quick and uneven. 

And Deceit must have noticed it too, annoyance making way for realization. 

“Oh,” he said, and the easy smile that followed was enough to make Logan’s blood run cold. “I see. How... _ touching.”  _

And with that he was gone, sinking out with that same unnerving grin plastered on his scaled face, and Logan ignored it in favor of focusing on the matter at hand. 

Patton and Roman must have finally realized what had gone wrong, their confusion turned now to pure concern. 

“Virgil?” Logan said, settling down beside the anxious side on the couch. The other two stood, watching, apparently trusting him to have any semblance of how to handle this. “Are...are you--can you look at me, please?” 

And really, Logan had no idea why. He wasn’t good at comfort. He could talk Virgil down from a panic attack, he could offer scientifically proven coping mechanisms to calm or assist someone. 

But he still didn’t know what this was. Not yet. All he had were theories. 

But Virgil was nodding, blinking rapidly before settling on Logan. He was still aware of his surroundings, and his breathing was already slowing back to a normal pace. He was still clutching onto his hoodie, too tense and uneasy, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“I’m fine,” he said quickly. “I’m good guys, sorry. I’m, uh, I’m all good. Really. Just zoned out for a second.” 

Roman took a step forward, looking to Logan for something almost like permission. “Virge, that didn’t...seem like zoning out. Are you sure you’re--?” 

“All good, Princey.” 

Too quick, too distant, too close to that persona he’d put on for so long when he thought he had to stay distant to be listened to. He gave a tight smile, struggling for a moment to pull himself onto shaky legs.

Logan didn’t know what to do to stop him. 

Patton hurried forward to help, looking relieved when Virgil didn’t shove him away. But none of them missed the way he tensed slightly under the moral side’s hold. 

“Kiddo--” 

“I’m fine, Pat,” Virgil said again, and he at least sounded more sure about it this time. “It’s nothing. Come on, we were gonna make dinner, right?” 

They weren’t, and any other time Logan would have pointed out that no prior plans had ever existed. But today, it never even crossed his mind. 

  
  


It was only a few days later when things finally came to a head. 

Virgil hadn’t necessarily been avoiding them, he still made it to every meal and their weekly movie night, but he was definitely quieter. More reserved. He’d spent more time alone than usual, dismissing himself earlier in the evening to retreat to his room. 

A year ago, Logan wouldn’t have picked up on his lingering unease. And if he had, he would have ignored it in favor of getting the answers to nagging questions. 

Now, he was resigned to wait until things calmed down a bit. Virgil was on edge, clearly doing his best to avoid talking about what had happened, and Logan wasn’t going to violate his trust. 

“You can’t really be this  _ stupid.”  _

Logan froze in his tracks, lingering in the darkened entrance to the living room. That was Deceit’s voice, angry again, but it was...a different kind of anger. Something more in control, more dangerous than it had been during their argument. 

It was nearly two in the morning. Who on earth was he--

“I won’t let you get to him.” Virgil’s voice, considerably less loud than the dark side’s, immediately answered his question. “I don’t  _ care  _ what you want. You--you aren’t welcome here.” 

The break in Virgil’s voice, exposing how uneasy he was pretending not to be, was enough to make Logan creep forward, slow and quiet enough to keep himself hidden. 

“Neither are you.” 

“I am,” Virgil insisted, and Logan couldn't help but smile at the strength returning to his voice. “They want me here. They’re not like you--” 

“Not  _ like  _ me?” And there was the anger Logan had unfortunately grown familiar with. “ _ Not like me?  _ I am the only one who has  _ ever  _ given a shit about you, Virgil.”

“You’re lying,” Virgil snarled, but there was a distinct waver in his voice. “You never did shit.” 

“ _ Don’t  _ talk back to me.” 

“Or what?” 

Logan was rushing forward before he even registered the noise, the dull sound of flesh meeting flesh, the lack of any response from Virgil that followed. 

“Goddammit,” Deceit hissed, like  _ Virgil  _ had done something wrong. “Look what you made me do. You keep making me the  _ villain,  _ and I’m not! You’re just so caught up in your  _ fantasy _ of--”

He stopped, gaze snapping up to the movement in the entryway as Logan finally made it to the kitchen. Breath catching in his throat as he took in the sight before him. 

Deceit was missing his usual hat and gloves, apparently deciding the additional accessories weren’t needed for a late night shouting match, making it easier for Logan to see the clear irritation beneath the kitchen’s dim lighting. 

The dark side had Virgil cornered, pressed up against the counter, too close and looming, one hand grabbing his hood and the other raised high as if in preparation for another strike. 

Logan had meant it every time he’d said it. He didn’t  _ do  _ emotions. He wasn’t well versed in them, and he didn’t particularly care to be. He was logic, he was facts, and he was cold hard reason. 

But when he’d insisted that he didn’t  _ have  _ emotions, that he didn’t feel at all, that had been a lie. 

“Let go of him, Deceit.” 

He wouldn’t even bother pretending that his tone consisted of anything other than sheer, unadulterated fury. 

Deceit’s features fell into something a bit more presentable, that calm, cocky smile back on his scaled face like it had never left. He lowered his arm, but made no move to let go of Virgil. 

“Apologies if we woke you,” he said sweetly. “But Virgil and I are in the middle of a...private discussion. We’ll be sure to quiet down.” 

A glance down at Virgil nearly broke the dam holding back carefully concealed emotions, Logan’s hands tightening to fists at his sides. 

The anxious side was completely frozen in Deceit’s hold, staring blankly at the floor like he was waiting for another hit. His hand hovered in the air, halfway to grabbing at his now bright red cheek. 

“I did not ask you to keep it down,” Logan said. “I told you to let go of Virgil. I would like to not have to tell you again.” 

It was enough to at least give Deceit pause, and a muscle in his jaw ticked. 

There was a reason Deceit had been so careful to keep Logan as uninvolved as possible during the court case. 

“I am in this kitchen an average of three times a day,” Logan continued, forcing himself not to smirk at the Dark side’s clear uneasiness. “I know where everything is located. Including all owned sharp objects.” 

“Now, Logan--” 

“I would prefer not to resort to something as...mindless as violence,” he intercepted, sending a meaningful glance to a now trembling Virgil. “But I do not plan on asking again. Let go of him, and get  _ out.”  _

To his immense relief, Deceit pulled away and took a step back, watching as Virgil’s legs gave out beneath him and he sunk to the kitchen floor. 

“Very well,” he said, moving his focus back on Logan like the trembling heap on the ground was unimportant. “My apologies again for disturbing you.” 

He could tell by the tone, the way he took another step back as Logan moved forward, that the dark side had given up and was planning on ducking out to his own room for the rest of the night. 

“Deceit,” he called, hesitating just a few steps away. “If you ever,  _ ever  _ touch him again, I will not hesitate to make good on my threat.” 

Deceit just offered a short laugh and a smile, followed by an easy shrug before disappearing, sinking into the floor without another word. 

Logan’s anger followed in his departure, making way for worry, all thoughts of Deceit stepping aside for something far more important. 

“Virgil? Can you hear me?” 

The anxious side only flinched, breaths quickening, holding the side of his face. He curled tighter in on himself as Logan lowered himself to his knees, one hand outstretched like he needed to protect himself. 

“I’m sorry.” It was barely a whisper, shaky and unsure, and if Logan hadn’t lowered himself so close he might not have even heard. “I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to--” 

“You do not need to apologize, Virgil.” He’d comforted the side through attacks before, Logan was particularly good at grounding Virgil and bringing him back to reality, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he should be handling this. “Everything is alright now. I won’t let him hurt you again.” 

Virgil didn’t look up, didn’t lower his arm, but his string of unneeded apologies at least died down. Logan hoped that was a good sign. 

“I can stay right here if you want me to,” he said carefully. “I will not come any closer unless you tell me I can. Can you hear me?” 

It took a moment, Virgil’s breathing too fast and shallow, labored and panicked, but he eventually gave a small nod, a noise that sounded suspiciously like a whimper escaping his lips. Logan didn’t comment on it. 

“Good. I need you to breathe with me. Focus on me and try to copy. In for four…” 

It was a slower process than it usually was, but Logan was quick to assure Virgil that he didn’t mind, that he was doing wonderfully, that he didn’t need to worry when he lost his pacing. 

“Logan?” Virgil gasped when his breathing had slowed to something close to normal. He still wouldn’t meet the other side’s gaze, but his arm had lowered to wrap around his knees, the other still holding his cheek protectively. 

“Right here,” Logan confirmed. “It’s just us. Are you alright?” 

Virgil nodded, wincing as he lowered his hand from his cheek. “Y-yeah. Sorry you, uh, sorry you walked in on that.”

Logan furrowed his brow, rocking on the balls of his feet. “Does that...does he show up like this often?” 

Virgil shook his head, one hand moving back to rub at his face, eyes still on the tiled floor. “No. This is the first time I’ve been alone with him in...in a while.” 

Logan nodded, relaxing slightly when he heard nothing but honesty in Virgil’s tone. “May I touch you?” 

Virgil glanced up, eyeing him warily before nodding. Logan scooted forward until he was seated next to Virgil, back up against the counter, carefully taking the anxious side’s hand in his own. 

He took a breath, considering his next words carefully. This wasn’t exactly how he planned on asking, but he couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Has he done that to you before?” 

He felt Virgil tense, but he didn’t make any move to pull away, instead squeezing Logan’s hand and pulling his knees closer to his chest. His breathing quickened again, and to Logan’s horror his eyes began to well up with tears. 

“My apologies,” he said quickly. “I did not intend on upsetting you further. If you like, we can--” 

“It’s ok,” Virgil said softly, flashing Logan a sad smile. “It’s...I mean, it didn’t really happen that much. It’s...you know. It’s whatever.” 

Silence fell over the kitchen again, Virgil holding Logan’s hand like a lifeline. The logical side’s gaze went to the mark on Virgil’s cheek, frowning when it only seemed to be getting more red by the moment. 

“I’m very sorry, Virgil,” he said. “I wish I had intervened sooner.” 

Virgil just shrugged, suddenly looking far too small in his hoodie. “Don’t be, it’s not a big deal. It was my fault anyway.” 

And Logan...wasn’t sure to make of that. He didn’t have enough context to know for sure who had started the argument, but logically, Deceit had been the one to seek Virgil out. And the anxious side had fought back in self-defense, against the hateful words that had been thrown his way. 

“Your fault?” he repeated, frown deepening when the other still wouldn't meet his eyes. “In what way could a reaction like this be your doing?” 

“Seriously? You heard some of that, right? I was practically asking for it. I was provoking him the whole time.” 

“You were arguing,” Logan said. “An argument you did not seem too keen on having in the first place. Deceit let his anger get the best of him. That could hardly be considered your fault.” 

Virgil pulled his hand away and Logan knew better than to stop him, watching as he wrapped his arms around himself, chin resting on his knees. 

“Yeah, well. We all know Deceit has a...temper sometimes. I shouldn’t have kept pushing.” 

Virgil seemed to think that would be the end of the conversation, shoulders hunched as he stared straight ahead, breathing slow and steady. Logan eyed the hallway, wondering if he was silently being told to leave. 

“Do you know who else has a bad temper?” he asked instead, continuing without waiting for an answer. “Me. Do you know how many times Roman and I have quarreled over something mundane?” 

Virgil scoffed, and Logan caught sight of a small smirk. “Too many.” 

“ _ Far  _ too many,” he agreed lightly. “He knows exactly how to drive me over the edge, and vice versa. Sometimes things go too far. He will see me getting...frustrated and take that as an invitation to keep pushing.”

He paused, searching Vigil’s face for some kind of reaction, any sort of hint as to whether or not he was doing the right thing. He didn’t even get a glance back. 

“We fight,” he said. “I get angry. But I would never hit him. Never. And I know for a fact that he would never hurt me. And none of us would ever hurt you, either.” 

Virgil was looking at him now, wide eyed and almost hopeful, eyes still brimming with unshed tears. Logan wasn’t sure if it was from his words or lingering pain of the blow. 

He looked like he wanted to say something, quietly battling with his own thoughts, still tense and unsure, and Logan was suddenly reminded of what Deceit had said to him. 

“You were right about one thing,” Logan said. “You  _ are  _ wanted. You will always be welcome here with us. Do not let Deceit ever try to tell you otherwise.” 

He didn’t even register the movement until Virgil was pressed up against him, wrapping his arms around the other side as best he could with the odd angle and the kitchen counter in his way. 

Logan tensed briefly, momentarily caught off guard, but he quickly corrected himself by leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Virgil, holding him close, listening to him fight back tears. 

He wasn’t used to physical affection. He knew it was a common and often effective way to comfort the other sides, but it wasn’t something he was particularly ever good at. 

That being said, he wasn’t...averse to it. And maybe, not that he was sure he knew how to admit it aloud, sometimes he needed it as much as the others did. 

When they pulled back, the passing moments having long since blurred into something immeasurable, Logan’s gaze immediately fell back to the mark on Virgil’s cheek. 

“I’m going to get you an ice pack,” he said, leaving no room for argument. “Would you like to go back to your room for the night?” 

He offered a hand which Virgil quickly accepted, carefully pulling the other side to unsteady feet. 

“I, uh, I think I might stay on the couch tonight. Don’t think I can sleep so, you know, might just watch a movie or something.” 

“Very well.” 

He made his way towards the freezer while Virgil carefully started towards the living room, the anxious side pausing in the doorway for a moment before disappearing from view. 

Logan quickly found the ice pack and wrapped it up in a paper towel before following, finding Virgil curled up on the couch with a blanket, fiddling with the remote. 

He took the ice with a small smile, failing to hide the quiet hiss of pain when he pressed it to his reddened cheek. 

Virgil was ok. The living room was quiet, and the halls were empty. Deceit wasn’t going to risk popping up again, and even if he did, it wasn’t like Virgil was helpless to defend himself. 

And yet...Logan couldn’t seem to bring himself to leave. 

“Would you like to be left alone?” he asked before he could stop himself. “I doubt I’ll get much more sleep myself if you would like me to stay.” 

Virgil’s gaze dropped to his lap, fiddling anxiously with his sleeves. “I, uh, I don’t...really want to be alone,” he said. “I mean, you don’t have to obviously. I’m fine if you want to just--” 

“I’ll stay,” he said, settling down on the other side of the couch. “I’d like to keep an eye on you for now.” 

The admittance came much easier than he’d expected it to, and much more nonchalant than he’d wanted it to sound. He really  _ really  _ was not good at the whole emotion thing. 

But, he reasoned with himself, he was learning. 

And if anyone would understand that, it was Virgil. 

“Thank you.” 

Virgil picked an old Disney movie that Logan would never admit to being invested in to Roman, settling back into the cushions and saying nothing when Logan scooted closer. 

“Virgil,” he spoke up again as the intro began, earning a soft hum in response. “If this ever happens again, if Deceit so much as comes  _ near  _ you...you need to come to us. Me or Patton or Roman, you tell us if he hurts you again. Alright?” 

Virgil sighed, eyes glued stubbornly to the television, but he nodded, shoulders drooping. “Alright.” 

“Virgil--” 

“I said  _ alright,  _ ok? Look, I promise I’ll tell one of you if he h...if he shows up again.” He paused, shifting the ice pack with a poorly concealed wince. “Besides, I think you scared him off for a bit.” 

Despite the initial bite to his voice, the hesitant smile he offered Logan was genuine, apologetic, and the logical side was quick to match it. 

“Good.” 

And for now, that was the end of it. The two of them fell into a much more comfortable silence as the movie began, pressed up against each other in the shared warmth of the couch. 

They would need to discuss this more in depth at some point, it wouldn’t be healthy to leave it sitting out in the open for long. Virgil would protest no doubt, but the others might need to get involved eventually. 

But, he decided, settling back against the couch and listening to Virgil’s breathing, it could wait. 

And if he smiled to himself at the thought of what would happen tomorrow, how Patton would be  _ much  _ less inclined to let Deceit walk away when he saw the mark on Virgil’s cheek, nobody had to know. 

**Author's Note:**

> Author once again refuses to sleep


End file.
